WhyAmIYelling? - Momtreprenueur Krista Rizzo, transformational coach and speaker, on yelling, on rai
Krista Rizzo and family - www.whyamiyelling.com
You know how they say, 'no wo|man is an island'... or shouldn't be, anyway? Well, as a photographer, the truth is that very little time is spent in the company of others, and lots and lots and LOTS of time alone - editing, marketing, learning, blogging... It's enough to get someone to YELL! Well, it's enough to get someone like ME, who is really a 'connect' people person, and not so much an island, to YELL. Yup, that good old need to be heard (and to hear!) - know what I mean? When is it that I started yelling anyway??? Oh yeah, I think around the time I became a mom for the second time. But not to digress - or rather, get to my point too quickly...
So to get out of my 'island' rut, last month I decided to go to my very first ever networking event via Park Slope Parents's professional network. I was excited to be there and to meet other local Brooklyn business owner parents, especially moms, with whom I looked forward to sharing not just tips and insight, but also respite, from my '(no woman should be an) island' syndrome.
The event ran something like clockwork. After a few minutes of rather random meet and greet, we pulled numbers from 1-50 out of a hat, then proceeded to sit on the benches that were set up in a circle. When our number was up, we got to stand up infront of the 50 or so strangers there, and got to give a one minute introduction into who we are and what we do, and why we are looking to connect. Easy enough, right?
I listened with attention, and with intent to connect to every single person getting up. Some resonated with me and sounded like people whom I would want to meet, some seemed like I should meet as they would just be great people to have in my roster (the criminal attorney with the funny banter who sold me on my, or my kids, possibly needing him one day; not one but TWO estate and wills persons who got me thinking about all the things I needed to do, especially as an Island, ahem, entrepreneur, in order to safeguard my family).
As my turn was nearing, my heart started pounding, my breath started getting more and more shallow, and I could literally feel the thoughts fade out of my head. Instead of listening intently as I had been, all I could find myself doing was trying to will myself to calm down. This panic was all new to me: in my earlier years, I had been a 'star' onstage in high school plays, had sat infront of large rooms for debate, and had MC'ed two battle of the bands, so this here should have been a piece of cake. But there I was, petrified, inch by inch of my brain and body, and moment by moment closer to my turn, by this previously-foreign creeping stage fright. And sure enough my turn came, and as I stood up, my voice now quivering, my introduction all but forgotten, feeling not grand nor confident but better off a lonely Island, I delivered my stumbled upon ramble, and instantly wished myself to have disappered to back home, to be back in front of the computer, to be safely working on someone's beautiful art gallery - ALONE.
As I sat down embarrased and defeated, however, this amazing woman next to me, someone who had just delivered her very fabulous, articulate and confident introdution into her coaching business - Why Am I Yelling? - this person who had very much resonated with me (a self-proclaimed-and-not-proud-about-it Yeller), and with whom I was actually looking to connect (but after my 1 minute of 'fame,' thought better against) -- this woman smiled at me with kindness and extened to me back my confidence and dignity. 'You did great,' she whispered to me. 'You think?,' I sheepishly asked. 'You got it,' she re-validated. And in that moment I felt my breath come back to me, I felt my spine extend back tall, and I KNEW this here woman was a person I definitively wanted to know more about. An avalanche of questions came over me. Who was she and when did she realize she had such a special influence to change one for the better in a moment's notice? What is this WhyAmIYelling all about? What was her family like? How did she feel about/negotiate being a momtrepreneur? What was her relationshiop to, and take on, Yelling?
And so we connected, and I got to ask. And she graciously provided answer. And truly a treat, I also got to meet Krista's beautiful family, including her exuberantly happy two little boys, and got to photograph them all on her birthday (which is coinicidentally also her oldest boy's birthday -- can this woman get any more cool?).
Below is my interview with the fantastically charismatic and magnetic force that is Krista Rizzo, transformational parenting/family coach and owner of WhyAmIYelling -- and our session together. Such connection and happiness that bonds her family attests to the fact that she must be doing A LOT OF SOMETHING, right. Why don't you see for yourself?
- How and why did you embark on your WhyAmIYelling? journey
'WAIY (Why Am I Yelling) really began 5 years ago as a contest entry. Oprah was doing a contest looking for people who would do a reality show with the ultimate winner getting their own talk show. The idea for the title of my show was called why am I yelling and it was based on what makes every day people yell whether they’re happy/sad/frustrated, etc…and how can we help to fix their issues or promote their causes.
I started blogging about my experience and after the contest was over (which I clearly didn’t participate in as a finalist), I kept the blog going. After I left my corporate job a little more than a year ago, I decided to turn my blog into a website as a hobby while I was looking for a new job or really deciding on what I wanted to be when I grew up.'
- How did you start on your venture, and what were your challenges in making your business a reality?
'After leaving my job, I started working with a career transition coach because being unemployed after 20-something years was extremely unfamiliar to me.
After spending several weeks updating linked in, Facebook and other social media platforms, taking self-assessment quizzes, and preparing a personal marketing plan, I sat down with my career coach to discuss my results. All of the signs pointed to me being my own boss and having the flexibility and freedom to create something I could be passionate about. I was talking to my coach and she said to me “I don’t understand why you’re not coaching, you would be great at it”.
After doing some research and finding out details on how to become certified, I decided I would give it a try. My greatest challenge was overcoming my fear of not having a safety net. I had a long time to prepare for leaving my role in the company I was working for so I had the luxury of planning financially for it. But waking up in the morning and not having somewhere to go was hard.
Once I started my coaching courses, I quickly realized that I was using my time appropriately and moving in the right direction. My new challenges are mostly centered around frustration. I am an instant gratification kind of person and I want results NOW!!
Cultivating clients, while fun and interesting, is difficult. I want a full roster from day 1 and I have to understand that I only launched my business recently (Sept 1) and it takes a while to build a following. It’s an education every day!'
- At which moment did you have the 'aha' moment to make you realize you can help other parents?
'While I was taking my coaching certification courses, early on they advise you to “pick your niche” or your target market – the people you want to focus on to have as your clients. Originally I was thinking I would be a corporate coach since I had just come from that arena, but after thinking about it and talking to friends and family, my passion and my number one job right now are my family/children.
I’m fascinated about the family dynamic and how everyone functions differently. So I decided to make parenting my niche because I’m in the thick of it myself. While I can coach on any subject, this is the one I really feel excited about.'
- Any advice for moms who want to start their own entrepreneur journey? 'DO IT!!! You will have a new set of emotions every day…fear, stress, exhilaration, freedom, exhaustion, elation. It is by far the hardest thing I’ve done. It’s hard to be selfish, or at least that’s how I perceived myself as being when I started this journey.
It was my husband that looked me square in the face after I was hesitant about continuing and talking about going to get another corporate job…”YOU CAN’T NOT DO THIS”…those were his exact words. Once I knew I had his full support (I always knew, I think I just needed it to be in my face), I jumped in with both feet.
Don’t be afraid of failure, at some point, some facet of your business or plan my fail and that’s ok. It’s all a big learning experience. Surround yourself with optimistic supportive people and if you can’t financially quit your day job, focus on your plan in your free time – easier said than done, but I know lots of moms who’ve done it. Don’t give up – someone will always be there to help you along your journey.'
- What would give you reason to yell at the littles?
'HA! This is a good one! I yell because no one listens! I have a toddler and a tween – that’s reason enough! I yell when they’re rough housing and I can see the end result before they can, which ususally ends in tears because no one listened to begin with! I’m not a yeller for no reason, I tend to have a big voice to begin with, so my kids know when I’m serious and when I’m not.'
- What would give you reason to yell at your husband?
'My husband and I made a pact when we were dating to never disrespect one another because words hurt. We don’t fight, we debate. I can honestly say I’ve never yelled at him, ever. In 18 years. (maybe I should start??!!)'
- Do you ever yell and how to you feel about your yelling or after you have yelled?
'I don’t believe anyone who says they don’t yell. Yelling is such a universal reaction – you can yell when you’re happy, you can yell when you’re frustrated, sad, etc. I think it’s when excessive negative yelling comes into play is when one would feel like they’re out of line. I’ve never gotten to that point, but in 3 years I’ll have a teenager and from what I hear all bets could be off on that one!'
- How do you think others feel after being yelled at - angry? hurt? ...or so used to it it doesn't even phase them?
'It never feels good to get yelled at, as an adult it’s humiliating and probably very frustrating. As a child I think it depends on the situation, if you live in a household that yells all the time, having a positive outcome will be challenging. If you don’t then feelings will be very different.'
- Did you get screamed at when you were little and how did/do YOU feel when someone yells at you?
'No, I’ve never been screamed at – my parents were yellers to the extent that I am – basically to keep us kids from killing one another or ourselves because they didn’t have the foresight to see the result.'
- What is yelling good for?
'Yelling is good for breaking up arguments between siblings, it’s good for quieting a crowd, and in my house if I actually get to the yell – it gets everyone to stop and listen to me. not good for? I wouldn’t suggest yelling as a consistent tone of voice, it’s never a good scare tactic because once whoever you were yelling caught on to your intention, it would be undervalued. what can it do to relationships? Words hurt, so use them wisely – even when I’m at the yelling point, I never say words that I know will damage the other person. No name calling. My yelling is more in the form of a question like “CAN YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME PLEASE?”'
- What kind of people yell?
'I don’t think there is a type of person who yells. I think situations bring out the yelling more than the person does. When talking to my clients, the most popular reasons for yelling are frustration and fear. Frustrated that the kids aren’t listening or that you’re not being acknowledged as a parent and afraid of so many variables – as parents we consistently second guess our style - sometimes yelling happens when we’re afraid we’re losing control or we don’t want to fail.'
- What can they be doing instead of yelling?
'Sometimes yelling can be therapeutic and I know that sounds crazy! It’s so hard to think before you speak in every situation, but if you feel like you’re going to explode, take a second or two to think about why and if there is a better way to communicate your ask. There’s a lot of deep breathing that goes on in my house that’s for sure!'
- How do you help those who want to stop yelling?
'Depending on the situation, I formulate questions to have my client think about and answer. It’s not really about “how do you think you would feel” but more about “what got you to that point to begin with”…I like to search for the root of the issue before figuring out the best solutions.'
- What one tip can you give Yellers?
'I like to have a few minutes to myself every day – even if it’s a cup of tea at 6am to be alone and think about what’s on my plate for the day/week, etc. I think starting the day in a calm, quiet place is really helpful. On top of that, pay attention to the words you use when you’re yelling – are they hurtful or are they more of a warning?'
- What do you want your clients to take away from sessions with you that they would not get elsewhere?
'I always start my sessions with the affirmation that we’ve all been there in some capacity. We’ve all been at a breaking point whether it’s at a job, within a relationship or with our children. No one is perfect and no one is expecting you to be either. I think it helps my clients to know that I’m exactly like they are – no false pretenses.'
- Does someone who is NOT a Yeller benefit from working with you and why? 'You definitely don’t have to be a yeller to work with me. WhyAmIYelling? can be taken literally or figuratively. I have clients who work with me because they like how I communicate and they like the parenting style I promote. I have clients that work with me because they want to curb their yelling. And I have clients that work with me who aren’t even parents, they’re just looking to do some work on themselves and want to work with someone who is non biased and truthful.'
To find out more about Krista and whether her coaching can benefit your yelling, parenting, relationships, or just your way of interacting with the world, visit www.WhyAmIYelling.com. Why not schedule a free consultation and find out how it can work for you?
